I miss him …

My dad died 5 years ago. It was right before our wedding. We were lucky enough to have a small elopement where all our families came and we could share our vows in an intimate space with just them.  It was thrown together and a bit utilitarian honestly. My dad carved rings out of wine corks since we hadn’t purchased any yet for our fall wedding. It was snowy and cold but the sun came out and warmed out faces as we shared our hearts. We still had a professional photographer come capture it. I can’t tell you how glad we are today to have those images. We didn’t plan much and spent next to no money on all of it but the images are soaked with intimacy and family.
 He’ll never meet my Jayden River. He’ll never come over to help fix a gutter, build a shed out back, or split hastas in the fall. There are lots of things he won’t be there for but he was there on that day. He was there all the days leading up to that day and he was good at showing up.
On days when I’m missing him more than normal I’ll pull out our elopement album. I’ll turn the pages slowly not to miss a detail. I’ll close my eyes to hold a memory and stay there for a moment. I’ll laugh at the ridiculous faces he made. I’ll sit in the thin place of then and now that’s held together by the leather binding of those pages.
And now I’m crying…You should probably buy an album!!!!   #shamelessplug  #sorrynotsorry #sireouslythoughimcrying